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When No One Hears

Updated: Dec 9, 2023

Thanksgiving Encounters: Going Backwards to Go Forward


"Why is my pain perpetual, and my wound incurable, which refuseth to be healed? Wilt thou be altogether unto me as a liar, and as waters that fail?" Jeremiah 15:18 KJV



Do you ever feel like no one hears you? Even when you shout loudly or speak softly, your painful story remains within the painted walls of your mind... colored by all the evil and inconsiderate things that have happened to you in the past or are still happening. Have you ever wanted to talk about your conflicted mental frustrations, but you think that it is too insignificant to share or it is so explosive that you need to speak with someone who will hold your experiences in the strictest confidence? Maybe you have never been bold enough to open up to anyone to share things in your past because they hurt too much or you have been so ashamed of your experiences, and that's the true reason no one hears...? You have found a safe space.


The last article I wrote, The Ugliness of Sin/ Ugliness Hurts, though not as well read as my previous ones, yielded fruit as another person defied fear and judgment regarding a painful past. Previously, I had had a brief counsel session with this person, but it concerned a sibling malice causing a longing for reconciliation. Several months have passed and we only communicated spasmodically. Then she left me a voicemail.

"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God." Psalms 43:5 KJV


*Leayan needed to talk about resentments that have been building for years that were so painful that she had to talk to someone and believe that I could help. I was at once fearful because what could I help with? God alone gives me the wisdom to speak words and ask the questions that get to the root of the matter. I prayerfully responded. I know she is a faithful subscriber and reader of my blogs and I wondered what could be her demise. Did her husband cheat? Did her brother escalate his ill-treatment of her? She gave no clue in her message.


Our 6-hour time difference sought to prevent us from connecting, but the Lord woke me up at 3 AM yesterday to ensure I made myself available to her. Leayan is a 32-year-old sweetheart. She is married and has a daughter who she adores. Though she loves her husband, she believes that at this moment in her time of need, he is not emotionally available. But this was not the seat of her torment. " I have so much resentment that it affects my emotions and I long for peace of mind." " I am trying to forgive myself and people."

My heart filled with compassion as I listened to this young lady who was not much older than my daughter and could have been any of my many nieces. This was her first time opening up about her situation and I coaxed her gently to share her story. From where do you believe is "the stem" of your resentment? Who are you resenting?


She was raped twice when she was around 9 years old by two different family members. She never told either of her parents and keeping this in for all these years was breaking her heart while at the same time building up a sea of unresolved resentment. She blames her dad. Here we see the recurring theme that children in many abusive situations, especially that of sexual abuse, tend to blame their dads because he wasn't there to protect them. (Read a previous blog, Broken Mirrors)


Why did she blame her dad? He was extremely physically abusive towards her mom. Her mom would run away and sometimes Leayan would also run with her. Her dad would find her mom and then beat her some more. This vicious abuse was indelibly imprinted on her young mind. Finally, her mom left for good. Her father had taken a second wife and this was very disheartening to her mom. She would now be treated even more inferiorly.

She later told Leayan that she would have stayed if her father hadn't taken a second woman. ( Read Pandora's Box: Two, Too Many Part 1 & 2).


Leayan believes that if they had stayed together, she would have never been abused.

We are at the beginning of the journey of healing and though I don't know what the future holds, we are starting with a reflective journal. Sometimes an adult "abusee" doesn't get the luxury of confronting those who have armed them because they perhaps died or moved far away. It is very therapeutic to still have an exercise where you "confront them" and also yourself as you journey towards healing. "What are some things you would have said to your aggressors, your father, your mother, yourself... if you could go back to being 9 years old...?"

Sometimes we have to "go back" to move forward. The pain of our past experiences will continually negatively impact our lives even though we may look deceptively functional. Some of us may hide behind our jobs, education, religion, and social relationships, but unless we give our brokenness to Christ and allow him to open up the wound and clean it, we will always be broken. Everyone sees it, except for you. Don't live in a life of delusion... get all the help you need. Talk to someone before you self-sabotage or explode.


"Why does my heart hurt so badly, and my wounds still take so long to heal? God, will you be a liar and a river that fails to provide sustenance, hope, and healing? Help me today." Jeremiah 15:18 (personalized)



Prayer: LORD, help us to bring our brokenness to you. Point us to people in our lives who may be your balm in times of emotional pain and uncertainty. Help us to know that you hear us when no one hears our cry for help. Be with *Leayan as she begins this journey of letting go and forgiving everyone who has hurt or failed her at a young age. I am so thankful that you are her faithful healer, in Jesus' name, Selah.



  Songs of Thanksgiving:

 


Previous Post: Injured But Not Broken


See you next time! Have an awesome day in the LORD...

Taste. Enjoy! Respond. Like! Share. Be encouraged!




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